It’s normal to have a challenging relationship or two in your life at some time. Some folks make the mistake of obsessing over it and letting make a mess of other relationships too. Here are a few simple things that I’ve found can help out when that “special someone” in your life is really working on your last nerve.
The first thing I do is actually make a commitment to making the relationship work. I once worked with a guy who struck me as a conceited jerk from the minute I met him. I can’t say that I was wrong, but when I found myself thinking of what a fool he was on my days off, I knew that something had to change. There was no way I was going to give him my thoughts when I wasn’t at work. Since thoughts of his arrogance wouldn’t willingly leave my mind, I decided that I had to either quit or learn to get along better with him. Quitting was an even worse option than dealing with him, so I went with “making nice”. I started every interaction with him in a friendly manner. I noticed that I had a very strong urge to start our daily contact still ticked off at things he had said or done days or weeks before. You’ve got to let go of that kind of feeling. It’s poison, and things will never get any better while you are starting each day with that kind of attitude. You make yourself a big part of the problem when you expect trouble every day. If you look for it, you’ll find it.
Sometimes difficult people act like...
You have to remember that how they act is all about them. It really has nothing to do with you or what type of person you are. My work “buddy” was basically a horse’s patootie. I didn’t make him that way. He might have been that way since he was just a little jackarse. I had to resist the urge to fix him so that he fell within my acceptable limitations for basic human behavior. That’s a weakness of mine I guess.
If you have actually had a run in with the person, or it is abundantly clear that you aren’t really hitting it off, you might want to try something sort of strange. Just ask them if there is something that YOU can do to improve your relationship. It could just be that they got a bad “read” on you from the time you met. Sometimes doing this can work wonders. Of course, sometimes the person really is a doofus, in which case, move on to the next step.
Do your best to forgive their stupidity. OK. That doesn’t sound too good. What I mean is, forgive them for any kind of wrongs they may have perpetrated against you. Will it change what they did? Nope. Will holding a grudge about it change what they did? Nope. At least if you forgive and forget, you can let it go.
If you must deal with them, and you still don’t like it very much, you can always try to focus on something else. Maybe looking forward to not being with them can make something like going home and cleaning the fish tank look more attractive! Try scheduling something enjoyable for the time after you have endured their bone-headedness. Maybe playing some racquetball and drawing their face on the ball might help.
You also might want to ask for some help from people who know both of you. Have you ever been amazed at how your friends like someone that you simply cannot stand? Maybe they see something about the two of you that you are both missing. Let them make some suggestions. It’s possible that they could shed some light on things that will help you to get along better with the other person.
Hopefully the person who is annoying you is not a family member. If it is though, you can try the same techniques, but you will probably want to be even more committed to working things out. No one likes it when fist fights break out at family functions, even if it does make for great videos. Once you have exhausted every avenue, you can at least feel the peace of knowing that you honestly tried to make things better and improve your relationship. Make sure that you aren’t the one who is being a jerk, and then move on with your life.
If you enjoyed this post, you can find out more about why I’m not a famous blogger, by following the link. If you have any good tips for dealing with social jackwagons, please use the comments section below to share them with the world.
My problem is that the difficult person in my life is an in-law. They almost started a fist fight at my wedding while they were drunk. I didn’t witness that particular incident. I was told about it later, but it was pretty typical of what I’ve seen from Uncle Bert. Why won’t some people get a clue about how humans interact?